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He calls it the "what-about-ery" - meaning "what about me? I can't help but roll my eyes - I'm tired of it all. Time to click that unfriend button. Follow Cherry on Twitter: cherryewilson Here is a selection of readers' experiences as told to us: I posted a comment on Facebook which was clumsy - I suggested that all forms of oppression and barriers should be removed futurf all folks.
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I was using "all" in the sense that none should be left behind. However, my words were interpreted to mean the opposite, which created upset.
So I would say this: engage with the individual. Don't dismiss them as stupid, ask them what they mean. James, Milton Keynes I'm mixed race and have had the same dilemma when seeing casual racism on my news feed. Initially I started to challenge the posts but it started chxt have an impact on my mental future chat buddy maybe more so I took the decision to unfriend. I'm grateful that Futurw had black and white friends check in on me during this time to make sure I'm OK.
Michelle, Sheffield, UK I am a white retired police officer. I would advise anyone to not share any racist futurd with me and if they continued I would have to unfriend them.
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The colour of one's skin, their religion or status should not be used to judge someone. I choose my friends by how they treat others and what is in their heart. Bud, Findlay, USA I've had to take myself off all social media channels as it was really getting to me and making me feel depressed. I am a white woman married to a Muslim man and we've laughed off instances that on reflection were clearly racist.
When he offered to light a lady's cigarette at our local pub she said: "I thought you were going to stab me.
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Last week it got to the point where I not only blocked her, I reported her to the police. Jonathan, UK I am a white man, and I have no idea how to approach this issue.
I've been told that replying is just being a "band-wagon liberal", a "libtard" and a "wannabe white-saviour". Conversely, I've been told that not replying, blocking, or unfriending is "white silence" or a lack of caring. It's easier to discuss it with people who agree. Maybe I'm a coward.
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I don't know the answer. So don't set a date on the calendar, or awkwardly pull up a chair to have a chat. While this can sometimes be a deal breaker, it doesn't have to be and shouldn't prevent you from bringing up the subject. As Chronister says, "Avoid all or nothing thinking — there is likely a middle ground when it comes to negotiating the future. Only Refer To Your Hypothetical Spouse If you want to avoid freaking each other out when future chat buddy maybe more about the future, then don't refer to each other as your husband or wife.
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In fact, don't even hint at it. Keep all conversations about your future partner purely hypotheticalaccording to Monica Gabrial Marshall on Bucdy.
When the time is right, you'll both start naturally filling that role for each other — no pressure needed. Keep The Convo Light Again, if you want to keep this convo laid-back, then avoid heavy topics at all costs.
Instead, try bringing up smaller money issues, and build the conversation from there. Write Down Your Goals Together "If your partner isn't a fan of your vision for the future, cat down options together of what your goals as a couple may look like ," Chronister suggests.
Not only will this help you both see things clearly, but it can make moving forward with futuure conversations feel much easier. Don't approach your partner when you're out trying to have fun, for example. And if a conversation feels awkward or forced, take it as your to try it again later. Avoid Grilling Your Partner I know, you want information and you want it now.
But that's still no reason to back your partner into a corner, or grill them incessantly. Because honestly, those four words can make anyone's blood run cold. So don't do this to your partner. No need to be so dramatic. Figure Out What You'd Like To know Before starting any chats about the future, decide what it is you'd like to know or ascertain.
According to Walker, knowing where the conversation is going can help it be productive. And it can also prevent it from spiraling out of control. Give Them Time To Think When futufe about the future, take notice if your partner is floundering or searching for responses. Just because you may have all your future dates and time frames perfectly organized in a three-ring binder, doesn't mean your partner does. Giving them time to think mpre without demanding immediate responses — can help keep things relaxed.